You’re healthy, well, moderately so. You get up everyday and go to work. It’s not a great job, but it pays the bills. You’re life is hectic and sometimes chaotic, but all in in all, you’re pretty much able to get through each day without thinking about whether your body is going to cause a problem for you. In fact, of all the problems you encounter on a daily basis, bodily malfunction isn’t one of them, so, you go until you drop and at the end of the day, you collapse into bed or on the couch and get that must deserved rest into front the TV with a big bowl of ice cream or a your favorite beverage and snack. 

You’re scheduled. In fact, you have everyday calculated so that you can go on that awesome vacation to your favorite destination. You count off the days until you bag your bags and get that R&R you’ve dreamed about. 

Friday nights and weekends are set aside for errands, meeting up with friends and checking out that great new restaurant downtown and the hot new band. You get in late and scramble to get your laundry done, pay your bills and make appointments. You’re studying for an exam, applying for a loan or researching the best vehicle that has a ton more options then your basic model. Oh yes, your online time increases on the weekend as well, so….

You just don’t have time for sick sister Sally. You want to, you call her….whenever you get a chance, you know, when your in the right frame of mind that deal with her issues because she’s really brings you down. You’ve run out of things to say and you’ve started to avoid her. You feel guilty because she’s so sick and even though you can’t say that your life is blissfully perfect, it’s definitely better than hers. So when it comes to actually thinking being with her, those emotions throw a monkey- wrench into your mojo. The next you know, you’ve gone another month without seeing her. That just increases the guilt. And the cycle of avoidance continues because it’s been so long at this point, that it sees hypocritical to try to make up now. You’re avoiding her completely now. The guilt, not her, has pulled you apart. 

But deep down, you still really love her. 

So what do you do? 

Be honest. Tell her how you feel and apologize. Ask her to help you understand why she’s sick, what it feels like, and what you can do to help ease her suffering. Ask for a big thing and a little thing. Then start using the skills you use all week at your job and on your online time to help her. Get those friends of yours involved with a project that she needs. A fundraiser, home repairs, an item she needs for her disability or a trip to a specialist. 

Plan a celebration. This may sound strange, but, she’s been through a lot, your sister. People have parties to celebrate all kinds of things, but no one ever celebrates the courage it takes to live with the challenges that chronically ill people live with everyday. Imagine how much love you could generate by acknowledging and appreciating the power in her spirit to carry on even though she knows that she will probably die having never having had the opportunity to live the mundane life of person with a body that works pretty much the way it should. There’s a special medal for that kind of courage. Find her one. Maybe it’s a piece of jewelry or a plaque. Maybe an article in your local paper or a actual medal. Whatever you do, let her know that you are acknowledging her strength. 

Find a regular companion. Service and therapy dogs can completely change the life of a chronically ill person. In fact, it may fulfill more than you ever thought possible. They provide service, companionship, unconditional love, ease emotional stress, provide the confidence to go out and help redirect the focus off their illness for awhile. Animals give us something to get up for in the morning. They know your energy and respond to it when no one does. Even a fish tank is calming. A guinea pig to hold or a little hamster. The right cat can be incredible. Talk with her about what being another living thing into her world would do. 

If an animal is out of the question, talk about human companionship. The department of aging is a great place to start to discuss finding companion care. If they can get out, there are multiple places that support their condition that they probably have never knew existed. There’s a support group either in a hospital or community building. Pick her up and take her if she can go. That will help her find people for are on the same journey and it will help broaden your horizons and help bring the two of you closer. 

Listen With A Constructive Ear. This maybe the best thing you can ever do. In every word there’s an clue as to what she longs for. Chronically ill people want to NOT be chronically ill. But being in pain, being left out, having to lower your standards, expectations and lifestyle takes its toll. A once happy and positive person can become myopic and depressed. The biggest rut in the world is chronic illness. You can help by going to a therapist with her that deals with chronic pain, helping her change her scenery if not outside, then inside, like redecorating or a good cleaning and spruce up. But sometimes all a chronically illl person needs is to be heard, acknowledged and comforted. 

Find financial assistance and services. Your skills on the computer and on the phone can come in handy to get her the things she deserves that will lessen her daily burden. Help her not to get discouraged because red tape is very stressful. Oftentimes it feels like the programs are hidden and the people running the programs want to keep you from having what you deserve. This is biggest roadblock for a chronically ill or disabled person. Often times, they just give up. You can open that world to them. 

Find out what they secretly desire. Perhaps they have always wanted to meet a famous person, go to certain play or restaurant, have the complete season of their favorite show on DVD, or maybe they want give involved with awareness about their condition. Online advocacy is a wonderful way for the voice of chronically ill to feel valuable and writing a blog can bring a renewed interest in life. Help them help others. 

Bring normalcy and fun back into their lives. Even though they’re ill, they are still people. All people need fulfillment, love and contentment. Often times, when you’re ill for so long, you lose these things. Every time you’re with them, bring a bit that with you. 

Never give up on them and don’t let them give up either. Negative thoughts and feelings from and about them is sure to happen. Life is hard. When you have a chronic illness, life is harder. Staying positive, having a good outlook about life, and looking for ways to feel hopeful about tomorrow is the only way travel this arduous road. The best thing you can do for them is to never give up on your relationship. Find what’s good about it, what makes it special, what makes you and them special separately and together and keep that ever present in every visit, phone call, email, text, letter or action. 

That’s how to love the chronically ill person in your life. ❤️️