The WEGOHEALTH Activist 30 Day Writing Challenge Day 14
“Case of the Mondays. Write about something that
gets you down, burns you out, or makes you sad.
Purge it in a blog post. Turn it around at the end
and tell Tuesday why you’re ready for it”
This is easy. Facebook. I recently decided that I’m leaving FB by the end of the year. I’d leave sooner, but I have five pages and I’m not exactly sure what to do, so I’ve been reading up on how to leave. Apparently, there are 13 steps.
It’s like divorce, or dissolving a partnership or union. There are lots of loose ends to clear up. It’s not an easy decision, not one I take lightly, nor is it one that I’m making as a knee-jerk response to certain events, though those events certainly were the last proverbial straw.
As I stated in an earlier post, I went to FB as a way to get support and subsequently started lending support. So much so, that I came up with the idea to start a financial resource page for traumatic brain injury with my friend Trina Chambers-Bradlee, who I found FB. The idea came as a result of my own need for it, but I myself never did get to utilize anything on the page because I’ve been too busy and overwhelmed with helping others, on and offline. So, that clearly is an indication that I’m giving out more than I’m taking in.
As a full-time disabled caregiver for my mother, I have a great need for offline support. The fact that I have in reality, so little, is the reason why I’m so exhausted all the time. It’s been through this exhaustion, while lying in bed, like right now, when I’m unable to sleep, that I find myself writing, reading or as has been so often the case; online helping someone.
But it hasn’t been returned online in social media so that I can continue providing that kind of support. It’s unreasonable and unkind for others to think that I’m an inexhaustible resource. I’m not. I need help too. And yet, when I’ve asked, even from those who are online professing to be a source for help, I’ve received very little. Unless you want to count the helpful link to their program, product or book I should buy to help me, which maybe wonderful, it just hasn’t been there. It’s probably a helpful thing, but it’s just another responsibility I can’t handle, so I just save it for later. I’m already doing a neuroplasticity program, reading a book and taking supplements. That’s my limit.
The thing is, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about this. I’ve weighed the pros and cons. I’ve read countless articles on FB and how it makes people feel. I have to say, it doesn’t make me feel good anymore. I don’t really know if it ever did.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s good on FB. You just have to navigate through the bad to get there. I’m choosing not to anymore. I think FB was becoming a crutch for me. I don’t need another one of those. I have a real one that I bought for $150.00. I’d like to be rid of that one too.
There’s a world on and offline outside FB. In terms of helping others, I’d say the chances of doing that on a personal physical level overshadow sitting over a device and tapping away with my finger. So I’m off to explore those avenues.
I’m looking forward to less stress, less ignorance and rude behavior. I’m looking forward to growing and maturing as a person, widening my horizons, having more peace. I want to be a better person. A happier person, one with more skills and abilities than before my TBI. The only way to get that, I feel, is to be more present in my present life.
I don’t think I’ll accomplish that as long as I’m lollygagging on FB, chatting away and scrolling mindlessly, which I’m sorry to say, I started doing as a way to relieve stress. It did not do that. It just created more.
I think the other part of this is that I don’t like the feeling of being addicted or in a habit of checking my phone every few minutes to see if someone responded to a something I said. It’s led to a lot of unnecessary conversations. Some I regret. Nevertheless, there was good that came out of it. There were good times. I met some good people. So, I’m definitely a stronger person as I walk away.
In closing, I’d like to thank all the people I have met along the way, some dear, some who moved me, some who I moved. I’d even like to thank all the people who disliked me, because I grew with every interaction.
I also apologize for anything I said or did as I healed and recovered from my TBI because I basically learned on FB how to socialize again after my TBI. Healing in front of the world was either gutsy or stupid. Sometimes I messed up royally.
I’ll miss the support groups most of all. The support groups were real lifesavers.
And I’ll miss the health professionals and businesses. But they have also have websites.